by Corey Allen
A long time ago I heard the story of an advertising copywriter named Loman. Mr. Loman worked for an established agency in New York, and over the years had created a substantial portfolio of work, of which he was proud, but for which he felt unappreciated. One day, while shopping for lightbulbs at Home Depot, Mr. Loman met a young woman named Claudia, who had just graduated from a local art and design academy. They started a conversation about work in advertising.
“I can create ad copy faster than you,” said Claudia to Mr. Loman, “and cheaper as well since my daddy Elon pays my rent and electrical bills.” At first Mr. Loman didn’t believe Claudia. But when he heard his rival at another agency had been sub-contracting work to her, he began to feel that he was missing out on an opportunity for an easier life.
Soon, Mr. Loman was letting Claudia do all of his design and copy assignments, which he happily looked over and then submitted as his own work. “My boss is a dullard,” he reasoned, “He can’t tell good work from bad anyway. Why should I toil?” And life was indeed easier for Mr. Loman for a time.
But then, one day, Mr. Loman’s big dumb boss called him into the office. Word had gotten out that Claudia could create ad copy faster and cheaper than anyone at the rival agency. In fact, that agency had fired everyone else but her. “Please tell me why I shouldn’t fire you and hire Claudia instead,” said Mr. Loman’s big dumb boss. “You have been here a long time, perhaps your work is better than hers? I must confess I’ve never really been able to tell such things.”
“But wait!” cried Mr. Loman, a sudden feeling of dread rising in his gut, “I’ve already been using Claudia to do all of my work!”
Mr. Loman was fired. Unable to accept his own responsibility and role in these events, he instead blamed DEI initiatives and immigration, and sank into an alcoholic depression.
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